A Little Time Spent Drifting 

We all feel a little lost from time to time, it seems almost unavoidable. Some of us experience this feeling longer than others, and maybe some never meet it at all.

I’m certainly in this position, I have been for a long time. I seem perpetually unable to find my ‘calling’, my real passion. As of yet I lack something to really dive head first into, pour my passion, my energy and my soul into. At times it’s entirely infuriating!

Currently I’m approaching the end of my teaching contract and the end of my editorial internship. Whilst both have been fantastic experiences, I find myself no closer to the answers I seek.

The question now looming is what next? More than likely I’ll continue teaching as I trudge through my protracted search for a purpose or project, both of which remain elusive.

What’s the answer to my riddle? A riddle I imagine that’s not so unique to me. More writing whilst trying new things? I’d like to turn my hand a little towards photography and creating videos. See if I’m any good at either, or if either can really wake me from my slumber. Perhaps another internship, testing my ability to write and developing that skill in a more journalistic manner. Perhaps I ought to stretch out and grasp at some freelance clients and grow in that way.

The world is my oyster, so they say. But at times unbridled freedom is just as limiting as totalitarian control. Although a little strong, the point still stands. With the ability to do anything, you can find yourself simply overwhelmed by the choice, constantly pondering whether you are doing the right thing or heading in the right direction.

I read a lot about an ongoing shift occurring upon the landscape of career paths. In this modern day and age there aren’t many jobs available that will see you reside with a single company for 30 years, steadily rising to the top, allegedly. Instead careers are becoming much more flexible, a little like following that yellowing brick road, winding and twisting its way through the countryside. People now dart from company to company, to whomever offers the best opportunities or pay-check. Doesn’t sound like much of an issue on the surface of things. But in reality all this does is compound my confusion as to where I place my next step. Do I stride forward, jump a little to the left or a little to the right?

There are plenty of people out there who revel in this particular part of life’s great adventure. But I’m finding more and more that perhaps I’m not one of them. At the moment I find it more uncomfortable, more disconcerting than anything else. I’ve never been one to really hold down a plan, but know I almost wish I had, or did.

Everything is coming to a head all at once. I’m like a small boat set to sea without a rudder or a sail, completely at the mercy of the currents. (You’ll have to excuse the melodrama slightly.)

Perhaps I should follow the advice of all the endless memes and trust, have a little faith, that everything will come to the fore, everything will be alright. Despite the fact I do like to post these little golden nuggets of wisdom from time to time, my faith in them has been shaken. They don’t hold my answers either.

For now it looks like I’ll need to do a little soul searching and a small measure of job hunting, and we’ll see where things go. All I know is that I don’t particularly enjoy being stagnant. Something else that’s part of the problem, if I don’t feel like I’m developing it puts me in a bit of a rut. But the question remains, in which manner or direction should I be developing?

Have you faced this kind of situation before? What was your solution, or are you still drifting too?

[Image(s) from Clipsuper]

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